PaD 3/365: "Let Me Park In Peace!!!!"

So, once again past midnight, although this time I actually wrote TWO poems. Only one is going up today though, the other will be 8/365, since it was inspired by my muse but not really ABOUT my muse... And since this is supposed to be a week ABOUT her, it will have to wait, and I had to write another!!

This time, I'm very proud of the idea behind it, but the execution is perhaps a little lacking. I don't know, I'd say it's okay (and yes, I threw off the scheme a bit on purpose! It is supposed to be representative of the pleading going on, how one rambles as they plead. This poem takes the requirement of being about my muse/groupie, then mixes in an inside joke (what else is new?) and also my car! A threefer!!! (Not a reefer, a THREEfer... Damn people, jonesing for that next hit that badly?). So anyway, here goes:

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LET ME PARK IN PEACE!!!!

I'm sorry officer, my car won't start,
Come on, won't you have a heart?
Besides, I see all those tickets in your car,
$1,501,366 in fines, haven't you gone too far?

You know, I started patrolling the streets too,
But I don't think I'll ever catch up to you.
I have but only four vehicles to your six,
A problem that will take a good while to fix.

At $125,101, I've not even 10% the cash you do,
Which means I'm not even qualified to polish your shoe.
And those toe socks? I can just forget it,
But that's why there's pavement I've got to hit!

And how can one who has a love van
Be so quick to ticket this man?
All I want is to put my blue car in your “Black cars only” spot,
Cause I mean, come on, it's the only place it's got!

So the next time you check the cars on your street
And see one of mine there, please don't give me heat.
So I'm parked illegally, I'm not trying to hide,
And with my driving record you shouldn't be surprised!

Prose a Day (PaD) 2/365: Bitching Post

Tonight's (LATE) prose is actually a song!!! If only I could sing, or play instruments, I'd actually PLAY it, but until then, here it is in lyric form. This is the second dedicated to my muse, although today my total rage had a lot to do with
it.

Without further hesitation (I am WAAAY too sleepy to go on and on this time), I give you....

BITCHING POST - A SONG

VERSE 1
Life hands me lemons, I make lemonade,
That's all well and good when life's all cliched.
But what am I to make with this crap I've received?
Doing good, receiving bad, feeling so deceived.

Day starts with my alarm, already I'm nauseous,
Tripping, stumbling, self-inflicted pain no matter how cautious.
Go to drive home but now I can't start my car,
“Alright, day,” I say, “you've gone too damn far!”

CHORUS
While normally I come across
Cool, calm, silly, full of glee,
You know it wouldn't take much
For you to be able to see
That deep down inside there's a rage
bubbling, rumbling, set it free!

But there is one thing that cages it inside,
My one special person with whom to confide.

She's my bitching post, my bitching post,
Always right there when I need her the most.
She's my bitching post, my bitching post,
Like a therapist to the soul, I'm totally engrossed.

VERSE 2
So when I'm overwhelmed, when life's turned to shit,
When the flame under my ass can't be further lit,
I rely upon my Bitching Post to set it all straight
To alleviate my pain and all of my hate.

She listens to any crap that I sling at her,
Listens to me bitch and moan and bicker.
She calms me down as my rage continues to seethe,
As she reassures me that I just need to breathe.

SOLO
[Slow instrumental]
Breathe..... Breathe...... Breathe..... Breathe....
Breathe.... Breathe..... Breathe.... BREATHE!!!!!!
[Heavy instrumental]

REPEAT CHROUS (identical)

VERSE 3
Like a verbal punching bag, she's cleared me of stress,
Changing me from my former huffing, groaning mess.
Like a breath of fresh air, like cool water to the face,
I've left the darkness for a much brighter place.

Now that I've released, I can once again see
Happiness doesn't come on it's own, it's up to me.
That it's up to us to find our own joy,
And that's something we can't let sadness destroy.

REPEAT CHROUS (identical)

OUTRO
She's my bitching post....
My bitching post....
Always there when I need her most....
Bitching poooooossssstttttt......

This Day Can Kiss My Ass

Yeah, you heard me. A day in which I nearly threw up when I awoke, had all sorts of road problems during work, got sick from gas fumes, ripped up my shirt, fell and twisted my ankle, nearly smashed the side mirrors on the truck going down a narrow ass road, and now am stuck in the rent a center parking lot because my car has refused to start for an hour, I am NOT backing down. This day can kiss my ass! In fact, the joke is on it: Food City is open til midnight, then I can sleep and in the morning I'll get it towed and repaired before work. Plus, not only will Prose a Day get done, this day is my inspiration for it! So take that! I don't need things to go right to be happy! I'll be posting my PaD shortly from my phone, after writing it in Word Mobile. I'm prepared, bitch of a day!

Prose a Day Begins! First up - The Frog and the Monkey

Well well well... So it begins! 365 pieces of writing, one a day for a year. I just bought today two domains - theworldofchuck.com and proseaday.com. I'm really surprised no one had taken proseaday.com yet! JoCo really started it with his Thing a Week, but his are songs, so they take much more effort and so I figured daily is more fair. I plan on getting proseaday.com up tomorrow, although tomorrow is my long day at work - 9:00 to 20:00 - and so I may just write my prose and collapse. Either way, if proseaday.com isn't up by the end of Wednesday, then... errr... I'll write TWO pieces of prose a day for a week! theworldofchuck.com will follow shortly after, but will take a bit longer, being a much more comprehensive page.

I promised a week's worth of prose for the inspiration to all this (NOT JoCo, the other inspiration), and also the recipient of my last poem, simply titled Wandaliciousness. So, without further ado, the first of seven poems about her! This one is actually inspired by Google Talk. See, she uses a frog as her image, and I use a monkey. So what if it was a real frog and monkey? And what would happen if a monkey fell in love with a frog, how weird would that be? All these thoughts ran together, and so I present: The Frog and The Monkey!! Please note though, that the rhyme scheme is pretty much the exact same as the last ones... I will need to read some poetry so that I can get ideas for poetry that DOESN'T go just like that... Weird suggestions always appreciated, and challenges accepted!

--------------------------

Hello there, sweet frog, pleasure to meet you,
And please, don't be scared, I'm NOT gonna eat you.
I write this to you to make you realize,
That despite species borders I simply can't lie.
I've always loved how you dance on your lily pads
As I've swung branch to branch with all of the lads.
And I know it's not normal for a frog and a monkey
To speak to one another, in fact it's downright funky.
Hell, we speak different languages, you and I,
Yet I can't help but want to take you and fly
Through the tree branches and show you my world
Of trees, bananas, bears and squirrels.
Show my little green friend off, I don't care if it's wrong,
Just ride on my back, right where you belong.
Oh, and worry not, Greenie, for bugs to eat,
Even my fur is full of their crunchy, tiny meat.
And so, buggy-eyed dear, I close just as I began,
Telling you all I can in this one poem's span.
I have loved you ever since I first saw you there,
With your slimy green skin and absolutely no hair,
And I want you to know that my love never stops,
Not in the span of a frillion froggy hops.
I want nothing more than for you to love me back,
For if you did, happiness I would never lack.
If you feel the same, then my life will be pure bliss,
But until then, I seal this note with a lingering monkey kiss.

"You turned apparel into an expletive!"

The first thought that crosses my mind trying to come up with something to blog about is on publishing. The ultimate goal to any writer is supposed to be being published - seeing their writing, whatever type it may be, on the shelf for all to buy and enjoy! But you know what? I'm starting to think that, in some cases, that's not true.

I wrote this long poem, it took three days to write it, mainly because I was so nervous it wouldn't be good enough (not a worry with Cold Pizza!), and the recipient, the awesometastic, wonderful gal named Wanda Mae, actually threw it up on her Myspace page. She did the same with another poem - actually the one that convinced me to get back into it again. And with something like that, seeing someone happy with it, proud even maybe (??) and putting it somewhere to display... That means waaay more than any publishing deal and book on the shelf could mean.

I apologize for sappiness, half a bottle of wine can do that to someone. Well, that and the joy of actually maybe making someone happy. That's what I was missing with game development - you spend months and months and months, and people might like it some, but you never get TRUE joy.

So, with that, I think it's time for bed. I don't think that writing is something I'll be giving up anytime soon, especially so long as I've got a groupie!!!! Jonathan Coulton started a thing he did, which he called Thing a Week, where he wrote a new song every week, recorded it and put it up to be listened to for free. Perhaps I'll try the same - Prose a Day? One piece of writing every day for a year? Even if it's a slow day, I can come up with a simple Haiku, right? 5-7-5, not exactly mentally draining!

SO BE IT!!!! As of Sunday, March 9th, Prose a Day is in effect! I will post my prose right here and, when the page is done, my website also.

TWO (Sorta THREE) Days Later!!

I'm so sorry blogger, please don't hate me. I know I missed you Thursday, and technically Friday since it is now 12:30am, but that means that in the majority of the US it's still Friday, so... Hmmm.... semi-on-topic thought: Military time, is 12:30am 24:30 or 00:30? I'd probably guess 00:30, but 12+12 = 24, not 0.

Anyway, gee what to blog about now? Well, in the past three days (counting today as Friday!), I've written a major poem, a shorter poem (but easily the greatest poem to ever hit the poetry world) and even a song! Unfortunately, I can't sing worth a damn and cannot play a single instrument, so it's just words... But it should be a song, it's written to be one! Anyway, it just feels so weird, since I'm supposed to be a game developer, to be WRITING instead. And POETRY??? Come on! Stories maybe, but poems??? But it makes me happy!! We all know who to thank for that!

So, speaking of what I SHOULD or SHOULDN'T be, why are my emotions going haywire? I'm SUPPOSED to be cool and collected. Hell, during the Gwen Era (late 1999-early 2008) I WAS entirely cool and collected. Nothing ticked me off, nothing got me impassioned, nothing made me extremely joyous (well, maybe Rock Band...). Ever since then though, I've had all sorts of emotion! I've had the softer emotions (I've blogged the hell out of them, yes), but more recently I've found joy and anger much more strongly as well, and much more easily. The joy is becoming so strong it's like a drug - I sometimes worry, you know, that it'll just get up and leave one day for some random reason. Maybe karma. But the anger, too, as I said. I have gotten SO angry. Anger never used to last more than about 20 seconds, perhaps because of my cold interior (my exterior was always humorous and flirty, thank you very much!), but these days it takes some good deep breathing and thinking about good thoughts to get through it.

I FEEL LIKE ONE OF THOSE ROBOTS THAT SUDDENLY HAS EMOTION AND THEY'RE ALL LIKE "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED EMOTION, BUT I CAN'T CONTROL THEM NOW!!!"

And to close, I happened to be watching Jimmy Kimmel Live, and remembered that I had forgotten to watch the "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck" side of things, so I checked it out. Funny stuff!!!! Goodness LOL. And they even got Josh Groban? Damn, that guy has a POWERFUL voice, doesn't he??? That guy could sing "pop goes the weasel" and I think he could STILL make people cry! Anyway, so ends another post. I hope you enjoyed! I live to please!

POEM: Cold Pizza

This poem was inspired by some in-shower texting, and I was even convinced to write the whole thing while in the shower! So, without further ado, I bring you...

------------------------------

COLD PIZZA

So nice to meet ya, my name is cold pizza!
What's that you say? "I'm gonna eat ya?"
Just unwrap my foil, I'm naked inside
With pepperoni and veggies too tasty to hide.
I've been dreaming of meeting your stomach, you see,
And longing for when she will digest me.
So please eat me fast, no need to reheat,
Just grab my plate house and head to your seat.
And when you've finished me, my new friend,
Please don't think it will be the end.
My friends chicken, spaghetti and hot dogs too wait
For the time they escape the fridge prison they hate
And in freeing them, pal, you shall soon find
The chore of cleaning the fridge you'll have left behind!

WHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

If a picture is worth a thousand words, than I just looked at like six zillion words worth! AND converted those thousand words into like 5-20 a piece!

So.... slightly tipsy and very tired at 3:30, but I didn't blog yesterday, so here goes. I was going to blog so seriously too, but got carried away in giddiness, so I'll save that topic for tomorrow (errr... tonight).

What is it about people? They can understand you better than you understand yourself! I mean, recently the fantabulous Wandaliciousness send me some comments on Myspace, and it just sent me in this spiral of giddy joy because they covered like EVERY aspect of ME somehow! I never would have gotten all that on my own, and yet she was able to pick it all up willy nilly! Do we get too bogged down in overanalyzing ourselves that we lose ourself, yet when it comes to super awesome friends we can just let go and it comes naturally?

Let's just wrap this blog up with another "special friends are what life is all about!" I'm starting to think that maybe life isn't just about what we do and become, it's also about what we are to other people and who we keep in our own hearts.

Geez, I've gotten really soft since the AG (After Gwen, as opposed to BG, Before Gwen) times, haven't I? What the hell?? If I come off as too 'girly', please slap me and let me know!!

So.... then Segue to "Why Can't Life be Like Video Games?"

Well, it's 4am, and I feel obligated to pay a visit to my precious blog here. It's been one hell of a day, what with fighting over huge deliveries and all, combined with the fact that my car took forever to start, and it seems it'll need a new starter.

So... How about those local sports teams, huh? Yeah, they can sure play... their respective sports better than their competitors! And the weather! So gorgeous out!

Okay, gotta find a deep statement and follow it up with a long rant from on top of a soapbox. Errr... Wow, I dozed off a second there!

Let's pick a silly topic, since I'm in a silly mood, and anyone who'd happen to wander over here would think I'm some serious, dull dood (shout out to Wanda for the "proper" spelling of that!). OH I have the perfect thing! The following is the (only partially edited) first of my "game related articles" I was writing for my website. Only two were ever written, but maybe I'll do more!

----------------------------------
Why Can’t Life Be Like Video Games?: Death is Never Final

Wouldn't life be great if every time someone was in a horrible accident or died a tragic death, they'd come right back to life? So many video games allow the hero(ine) to come back at least a few times, and the only time people really die is from old age or a really horrible curse (unless it's an NPC, of course, they die quite easily). Sounds sweet, right?

Well, imagine if everyone could go around, knowing that if they died, they'd come right back. If people act like jackasses now, imagine jackasses that could die, laugh it off and go on like it was nothing!

That's not the half of it, either. Most games require some type of loss upon revival; games like Dragon Warrior take half the player's gold, and Neverwinter Nights takes some gold and experience. On top of that, nearly every game requires the player be sent back to a checkpoint of sorts; imagine a family on vacation and one of them dies, only to be revived back at home thousands of miles away.

And where does that money and experience go? In some games, a cleric or healer takes the money as a "donation,” in others it just vanishes somewhere. So fine - one day the church is charging $50, the next it's a few thousand. As for the vanishing gold and experience, I'd bet anything that's going to the government - that's hard earned money and experience - which is a term for experiences and knowledge! - going directly to some government. Plus, with some republicans in office, there'd suddenly be a "resurrection tax" so high that only the rich could afford it. Great - now only rich jerks can afford resurrection; not only can they buy their way out of prison, now they won't even die! Maybe it's best that life isn't like video games, at least as far as getting back out of death is concerned.

This is Me

Wanda Mae was brave enough to reply to my previous post, and here is my response, as promised. It's also a comment there, but I forgot I'd make it a stand-alone too. Here it is!!!



I want to be a solid supporter for those I love. I want to be able to help those in need, and I want to cheer them up when they're sad. I want to be a game maker, or a musician (honestly I'm not sure which way anymore) or even a writer...

My perfect day is the first date. It begins hanging out with all kinds of friends, and spotting that special someone. The challenge, the back and forth battle of flirting and teasing... The pride in succeeding, since we as men are the ones who have to put it all out there and battle for your attention. That semi-awkward, elated feeling of someone as you don't know anything about them yet, and you've built them up to be perfection. "It's loud here, would you like to go somewhere more quiet?" Going on a date. A real date, something I've never truly done. Lingering well past when the bill comes, just talking and laughing, staring across the table at one another. A movie, oh a movie! That warmth of cuddling through a movie is so magical. Something girly (honestly!) because when a girl cries, and you're there to support her, there is NOTHING like it. Arm around her as she sobs into your shoulder, seeing just how sweet and sensitive she can be after what a tough front she just put up before when meeting her. Kissing the tears away. Fingertips flickering over, watching her eyes flutter as she giggles, ashamed of her tears, my finger shushing them... Don't be ashamed, dear, be proud that you can feel. Show me those feelings. Let them out, let me share them, I'll even cry with you, but my tears are of joy to have found you.

The movie ends, and once again we linger. Not even heading to the realms of dirtiness yet, just... hand in hand, fingers intertwined, the occassional chuckle and whisper as the armrests are lifted, her head to my chest. The end of the night comes, and we lose each other in the passion we have built through the day... A gentleman never tells! But in the afterglow... breath ragged, sighing, blankets our only cover, cuddled up together. Such beautiful eyes she has... Falling asleep together... Spooned tight

Sorry for the over-detail, I lost myself LOL. So moving on... What makes me smile? Laughing, knowing I can make others smile and laugh. The idea of the above coming true! Pride.

Sadness? Oh boy... random Manic Depression. Failure. Feeling useless. Loneliness. Frustration. I don't really get MAD, so instead I get sad.

I LAUGH AT EVERYTHING!!! LOL But what really makes me laugh hard? Get lost? That build up that friends can share; it starts as one stupid comment, and you roll with it until it grows into this massive joke.

I melt at romance these days. Somehow losing my wife brought romance to the forefront of my mind. All those little things... All the stuff I described up there LOL. I also melt when someone compliments me, calls me a sweet name... I know it's not meant romantically, but it's still such a sweet feeling to be appreciated or wanted in any way. "Angel" comes to mind pretty much instantly.

These days I stand for independence and individuality. BE YOURSELF!! NEVER BE ASHAMED OF YOU!!! You are special, you are an incredible person, and I don't care WHO you are, someone will love the living hell out of you as you are! Never give up on YOU. Never give up on life.

I don't know that I'd die for anything. I cannot do any good for anyone or anything if I myself am dead.

I'm passionate about my friends. The closer you let me get, the more we talk, the more passionate I will be. Not even necessarily romantically (since it happens with guys too LOL) but the more close i get, the more I'd fight for them. That's MY girl/guy, step off (again NOT romantically, being straight and all!). Fuck with them, fuck with me!

My army is, again, my friends. We are unified in our love for one another. An effective army unit is tough when necessary, and always sticks together. NEVER LEAVE ANYONE BEHIND!!!

My god? Joy. Once more, my friends. I look up to and envy things about each and every one of them, they're all amazing people. I wouldn't be friends with someone not special in some way. In a way I'm my own god too, yes, but I do not worship that god at all, nowhere near as much as one should even.

No, I wouldn't do ANYTHING for myself. I am not that dedicated. I try to be, like this diet stuff, like saving money, but gluttony gives way.

SORRY FOR THE HUGE ANSWER!!!!

Finding Myself

This concert, nay, these past few blog-free days have really taught me something. Man cannot live by computer alone! There is much more to it! Concerts, socializing, flirting with random girls, partying with random people, making friends by doing little more than screaming "YEAH!!!!!!" as a band starts a new song... THIS is life! This comraderie with new people, forming new bonds, THIS is what it's about!

We as people, even if we don't necessarily get sick of our current friends and loves, DO need to continue finding more. Failing to do so makes us feel that we CAN'T.

To mix with this socialization, there are two other basic needs: self-confidence and individualization. Both of these areas were lacking also. Self-confidence comes from success in individualization and socializing. So the question is, who is Charlie?

Charlie likes music, and games, and funny stuff. Is that it? Can I really be summed up in 8 words? Oh, add "and likes to be there for his friends" - that makes 16 words. Not even two sentences!

I grew up with games, and what scares me (you're the first to find this out, Blog) is that they AREN'T my destiny. Music makes me so much happier these days. I do think games are fun to make, but I don't know that I could make it my life, at least not entirely. Maybe this is a good thing - I'm not fully 2d. But in redoing my profiles, I find it hard to find a true "about me". I'm a casual game developer who loves music and silly stuff and my friends.

So here's a challenge for you, all of you who read this (two people?). Comment back, or message me on Myspace or Facebook or whatever, and tell me who YOU are. Not just what you do, or what you like, YOU. Be honest with yourself, what do YOU want to be, to do, what is a perfect day for you, what makes you smile, what makes you sad, what makes you laugh, what makes you melt deep inside, what do you stand for, who or what would you die for? WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT??? WHAT ARMY ARE YOU IN????? Who is your god - not like "Jesus Christ", someone you know, who you cherish and love and would do anything for. Do you have someone like that? Is your god YOU???? Would you do anything for yourself?? If anyone dares to do this, I will too, I'll make a new blog post for you to see.

Wow, I repeat myself a lot in my blog, don't I? Sorry, I do it for me, so I apologize to myself I guess>

Cold Wall Up

Okay, can't do it anymore. Loneliness + desperation is too dangerous a combination. Thus, I'm done for now. I am happy to have friends. Other than that, I'm done. I'm going to have to keep to myself a bit more to try to strengthen myself. I am relying too much on others, and I cannot heal that way. Sorry.

My Return to Glory

So, I have done some soul searching today at work, and realized that while my humor has remained intact, a LOT of the things about me that really made me me have either vanished or degraded, and there are some things I have always wanted to change about myself, even from back then. I'm going to, therefore, work on fixing all of these things.

What are these things? Well, primarily for my sake (but you curious people may want to know too!), I am going to list them all, and more importantly, I'm going to list how they'll get fixed!

1) Confidence
I used to be very confident, almost overly so. These days, my confidence is rather crushed, which you can tell from this blog even! Those days are over: from now on, even if it's jokingly, I will be confident about everything! If you catch me not being confident, let me know!

2) Body
While I have lost quite a lot of weight from the old days (I was at least 350 lbs!), I am still not yet an adonis (confidence there, see, I said YET). To combat this, I am going to be looking into gym memberships, cutting out fast food (or, since we go often at work, ordering healthier things) and non-diet sodas and drinking more water.

3) Procrastination
One of my biggest problems is that I never actually DO anything, I simply put it off until later. This is why the CtC demo isn't done yet! I will from here on stop wasting so much time on the things that don't matter so much (reloading email a million times waiting for messages from people, watching TV and so on). I have discovered blogging is a wonderful way to gather and track ideas, so I will not stop this, but other priorities will be listed in my google calendar, and I WILL STICK TO IT!

4) Being Me
I am what I like to refer to as a "social chameleon." If someone else has patented that without me knowing, I apologize, but it's mine! Anyway, it basically means that whoever I'm around, I become similar to them. Like sports? So do I! Rap star? I'm down with that shiznit! You hate video games? Well, I like em, but they ARE for kids... NO MORE!! This is how relationships fail, be it friends, lovers, significant others, etc. I am me, take it or leave it.

5) Standing Up for Myself
This goes with the confidence thing, as well as the "Being Me" thing. I never, ever, EVER stand up for myself or my beliefs, EVER. That's over too though, bwahahaha! I'm not gonna be some rude asshole, and I'm not going to force my beliefs on others, but I will not hide them or my opinions if asked.

6) Sense of Style
God, I may be effeminate in my feelings, listening to what people say (genuinely!) and whatnot, but I do NOT have ANY sense of style. Hair? Keep it out of my eyes. Clothes? What's Clean? Facial Hair? If there's a boss coming, I shave, otherwise who cares? Now this one I'm not sure how to fix... I think I'll ask for your help though! I will take some pictures of myself and post them in another blog post soon(that's NOT procrastinating, my camera phone doesn't take pics when it's this dark, and I'm going to be busy ALL day Sunday and Monday), perhaps you will have some ideas? I'm also going to buy a trimmer and let my beard grow in some, then shave off parts at a time, taking pictures as I go, then shaving more until clean shaven, so I/we can figure out what works!

So, there you have it! Six ways that Charlie will return to power, to morph into Chuck. It's not overnight, mind you (damn that'd be awesome though!), but these changes WILL be made. I will no longer be just a funny boy, I'll be a funny, handsome, powerful, confident man. Body, mind and soul.

Weird New Feeling

~~~~ First off, let me preface this by saying that originally, this blog was going to be about badass stuff. Music, games, game development, and all that hullaballoo. Instead, it's been about... *shudders* feelings!! So for those of you looking for bad ass stuff only, I'm going to start those posts with "BADASS: ". Since this one does not start that way, it is, in fact, NOT badass ~~~~

What is this new feeling coming over me? I know this one will sound ridiculous to most of you, but it's a new one to me. This sensation... of missing someone. Not just missing them, thinking of them in passing and such, but actually aching. Never before have I ached because someone wasn't around. Sadness is a semi-familiar emotion, but emptiness?? I have so much to be proud of, so much to be happy about - hell, I'm the Guitar Hero, the game programmer, I'M CHUCK!!! - but this emptiness is all consuming. The funny thing is, I'd bet money on the fact that the feelings are one way, so they shouldn't even exist! Damn you, weird, unknown feelings! Will you go away one day? How temporary are you? Are you permanent, even? If you are permanent, is there a way to remove you just in case? WHAT ARE YOU???

Suddenly those commercials come to mind, the ones where someone tough - a fireman or whatnot - is there, and they talk about how tough they are, then say that something "so small they can't even see it could knock them out - a clot". This is how I feel. Feelings are invisible to the naked eye... Hell, they're invisible entirely! Yet they can bring someone down so easily, or bring them to heights of pleasure unknown through any other way.

I used to keep myself cold. I used to shut off emotion, to just... be. Sure, I never got really happy, but I also never felt these crazy things either. And there is a different kind of happiness in isolation, but it's not really the same... Damn friggin crazy ass girly emotions that we men are supposed to be immune to!

Pain Without Pleasure

Why is it that there are people in our lives who cannot possibly make us happy, yet can enrage or depress us with such ease? What gives them the power to hit our switches the way they do? Why can't we tone them out the way we do with others?

Ha, that's probably my shortest post ever. There you have it.

Back to Writing

Oh how I used to love to write! I wrote poems and stories all day, and then gave it up as something silly. Now a challenge has fallen into my lap, one that challenges my abilities as both a writer and a man.

The story in question is about the meeting and coming together of two semi-fictional characters. Now, I had always considered romance total hullabaloo (sorry if that's spelled wrong, I just had to use it), but perhaps with some humor and a good person to use as inspiration, it can be done!

Romance cynic vs. the love story. Here it goes!

Special Friends are what Life is About

WOW! Let me start this post by saying that today has been the most SPECTACULAR day! I got a mattress from Gwen and tried it out... ooohhhhh *drools*... And speaking of drooling, never have I drooled so much in one day!

Who, or what, was the source of such drooling? Thanks for asking! Her name is Chanel Raspberry Chocolate, and she wears comfy clothes and toe socks, and she thinks she's kiss proof but oh no, she's quite the opposite! She is sooooo funny and is such a great supporter. So, Chanel, wherever you may be, all I can say is... Let's meet at the huge 17 in the middle of 55th!

NEW BED!!

WOOHOO, I just got a new bed (well, mattress at least) so I don't have to sleep on the floor!!! It's the smallest kind, what is that, twin? full? So it's just the right size for me. I had adjusted to the floor so much that a simple mattress is soooo nice! *happy dances*

Oh, Silly Me!

... I forgot the biggest rule of bad days is that it take bad days before you get good days! Now, at the risk of jinxing the night, today has gone very smoothly, and best of all, I'm off tomorrow!

To add, I will be working further on CtC tonight and tomorrow. I've said it before, but the game is getting close to demo completion! It's actually rather possible that it will be ready by the end of Q1 (end of March) still, despite all the things that have happened this last month.

ALSO, I AM STILL LOOKING FOR VOICE ACTORS/ACTRESSES!! I do not have money to pay, but you will earn eternal gratitude and I will get you ny kind of reimbursement I can. If you're interested, please let me know. And this goes for kids too (with parent's permission of course), critters are like cartoons and have goofy voices!

Predictions

Oh boy, not even 9am and it's already shaping up to be a rough day. Don't you just love when that happens? Argh! Well, work is about to begin, and will end in... 11 hours, joy!