Jack Black ROCKS!!!

THIS is the kind of pirating that should be illegal...



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And THIS would have made LotR MUCH more entertaining!!!!

PaD 23/365: The Tale of the Cataclysmic Bard

So, today's PaD is a song, one that you will have to read to discover yourself! ROCK ON!!!

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THE TALE OF THE CATACLYSMIC BARD

VERSE 1
Back in the day, minstrels told tales
Of villains, love, heroes and war,
Of wizards, warriors and women most pure,
Of adventure and other random types of lore.

One such tale stars a magical bard,
Who used music, not spells, to cast magic.
The tale begins in a land most tame,
Where life was truly dull, oh so tragic!

The bard had other ideas, believe you me,
So he went to buy a guitar, but there were none in stock!
Oh right, they didn't exist, so craft the first one he did,
Then he learned to play... and sing... and ROOOOOCK!!!!

And so he sang...

CHORUS
I don't need a sword, don't even need kung fu
Cause I've got my axe, tell those assholes farewell!
I'll rock your pantaloons off and open your eyes,
Today's the day that we... rebeeeeeellllll!

VERSE 2
Armies arose to try to defeat the Bard,
Wielding weapons and wearing armor most slick.
Behind him the townsfolk gathered, fearful
But he stood, laughed, grinned and whipped out his.... pick.

(spoken: What'd you think I was going to say? Huh?)

As he strummed his guitar and sang his songs,
The earth quaked, volcanoes erupted and the sky turned to horrendous squall.
For so great was his power over the magic of metal
That even the elements were relentlessly at his beck and call.

And so, with the help of brave townsfolk everywhere,
The Bard did defeat the villains most heinous.
He shook his posterior in his assless chaps and said,
“Take that, suckers, now kiss my anus”!

Then he sang...

REPEAT CHORUS


VERSE 3
As the Bard raised his guitar in victory,
He addressed the masses of villagers.
“Heed these words,” He said, his voice booming,
“And fear not murders or pillagers.”

He said “Be not afraid to be yourself,
And speak your mind, always stay true.
But at the same time, stand unified and strong,
Keeping grasp of what it is that makes you YOU.”

“Most importantly of all,” He added,
“Always stand up for your beliefs.
Whether on relationships, government and morals
Or things as trivial as boxers versus briefs.”

And as he rode on, he sang once more...

REPEAT CHORUS

PaD 22.5: My Muse

This is the goofy version of My Muse. I've always wanted to write a serious one, but it just seems like it'd be wrong, unnatural... So here it is!

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MY MUSE

Without you, I'd sit here all day,
But I'd never have anything to say.
You turn every joke into inspiration,
Even a Relay for Life donation!
There is not a single word I've written since February
That wasn't inspired by you somehow, don't ever thing contrary.
Heck, even when you're busy or asleep,
Into my head, all these great ideas creep.

But you don't just inspire me in my prose,
You inspire me through life's highs and lows.
And I know it might seem crazy to some,
But you're an angel, bitching post and muse all in one.
When something has me down or mad,
You turn the frowny upside-downy and poof, I'm glad!
So I write this prose for you, my dear muse,
Best pal, inspiration, mood enhancing drug, sharer of future tattoos.

PaD 22/365: What I Want...

This one is about what the vast majority of us want. A lot of times, people just don't get it... But here it is, laid out clear as day. Anyone who feels this way about someone they're with, know that it takes us something clear like this to get it. My own past error and recent revelations have inspired this one.

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WHAT I WANT...

Sure, a million dollars would be awesome,
And a mansion, yeah, that'd make my jaw drop some,
But what I really want, money can't buy.

I could sure go for perfect literary skill,
Write the world's greatest prose in an hour, then just chill,
But if I said that's what I really wanted, it'd be a lie.

Oh and girls, sure, they would be cool,
If I turned down playboy skills, I'd be a fool,
But what I really want, lust can't grant.

And a horde of fans, I've got to admit,
I'd take as many of them as I could get,
But that's just not what I want the most...

What I want is to feel special and appreciated,
For you to notice what I've done and created,
What I really, truly want is to be loved.

Introducing Relay!

So, I added my info for the Relay for Life! It's right at the top of my blog on the left, and there it will remain until Relay time!

In August (well, in late July), I will be heading to Wisconsin to do the Relay for Life. I'm determined to help our team kick as much ass as possible! Seriously though, it's a great cause; anything that helps people feel better and live longer, I'm all for! So please, any donation of any sort is greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

PaD 21/365: Entendre

Having some fun with words tonight. I had so many good ideas for poems, but my brain couldn't grasp something deep, so I went with this. There should be quite a lot of prose tomorrow at this rate, though!

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ENTENDRE

Upon a visit to the woods
A woman came upon a petrified tree and said:
“I've never felt anything so hard!”

There was a woman lying on the beach,
The water rose, finding her, and she said:
“Oh damn, now I'm so wet!”

I threw a party and invited all my friends,
They seemed so happy, and as they were leaving I said:
“I am so glad you came!”

I had a horrid day of work once,
And when the day was finally over, I said:
“I didn't think I'd ever get off!”

One time I had to make a delivery,
But the front door was blocked, so she said,
“That's fine, just come in the back door.”

We were moving one time,
The truck was packed, and there was one package left.
“Damn, it's so tight, I can hardly fit my package in here!”

I had a southern friend,
She taught a lesson about mudbogging:
“The dirtier the better!”

A woman was walking down the street,
My friend saw her, and was unable to resist:
“Let's go do it all crazy and hot!”
And he got smacked, cause that's not a double entendre!

PaD 20/365: Motion, Or Lack Thereof

Wow, number 20 now? WOOHOO! Only 345 more days to go! Averaging like 1.5 a day, that's a little over 500 more, whew!!!

So this one is funky, I felt I had to do a weird one is all. That, combined with running on fumes for the last few days... Fun combination! Just watch the way the words move, some are a little tricky (I had to put arrows in for the one LOL).

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NOTE: Today's Prose is here: http://www.proseaday.com/writing/motionorlackthereof.asp . I spent nearly an hour lining it up in HTML, I'm not doing it again over here where it won't copy right!

Poetry about Love? How Original!

Yep, first I invent the Swiss Army Friend, now the love poem. A lot of good work done this week!

Well, first off I want to say that I got my Rock Band drums, and you can actually hook them up to your computer and play and record it! I didn't play any tonight, but Elle did, and I think it's her new favorite thing. She was SCREAMING when she had to go to sleep, and it's my new threat! "If you aren't a good girl, no drums for a whole week." "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NOOOOOO!!!!" That little girl was BORN to rock!!!!

Next, I really liked the love poem here. I mean, silly is fun, but writing of love always gets me carried away. I actually wanted to try to write... well, I'll be blunt: I was going to add an erotic poem here as well, but was too sleepy and not really inspired. Mainly, I have yet to find a GOOD erotic poem. I don't want to write smut... I mean, that might be fun at some point too, but at least first, I want the romantic, sweet, euphemistic, erotic kind, not the "wham! bam! thank you ma'am."

So, as always, please do enjoy! And especially, please let me know what you think of "Eternity". If you're interested in more, PLEASE let me know! If not, well, I'll probably write more anyway, just not as quickly. Hell, maybe I'll do a week of double PaD with one silly and one love or something to get some practice going.

PaD 19.5: Eternity

Yeah, it's a love poem, so sue me. It was actually a lot of fun, although it was one of those where I think I spent TOO much time on it trying to make it better, but meh, gotta start somewhere, right?

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ETERNITY

I sit weary, crestfallen, somber, jaded

Both my heart and my body enveloped, shaded.

When my eyes behold the most incredible sight:

A woman most gorgeous glowing in the light.

My eyes catch hers and hers catch mine;

The most gorgeous shade of brown you'd ever find.

Normally I would turn, fearful, and withdraw,

But instead I am captive, hers, enthralled.

With the slightest of motion she raises her hand,

Fingers waving, before on her wine glass they once more land,

And my sadness was then, by feelings most define, eclipsed,

When a smile most radiant and glorious danced across her lips.

'To hell with reservation,' I thought as I arose,

As my body trembled, hardly able to keep on my toes.

Avoiding the urge to beat a hasty retreat,

Until I stop, parched mouth, and ask for a seat.

A chuckle and grin and a “Go right ahead,”

My heart beating once more, oh good, I'm not dead.

I sit, the light beating upon my skin,

Unable to conceal the joy I hold within.

We talk and laugh and revel in fun

Until both dinner and dessert are done.

And my smile is just impossible to hide

When she asks me to “help her” walk outside.

Once at her car, she gives me a wink

As she gives me her number, the real thing I do think.

“We will have to meet again,” She says as she smiles once more,

And the jokester inside me resists the urge to scream “SCORE!”

Then it happened.

The greatest moment in my life.

Past, present and future.

EVER.

I reached out once more, this time holding her hand,

Fingers intertwining, as I pulled her close.

Our eyes closed simultaneously in anticipation

And our lips met, soft, sweet, tender, heaven.

Every curve, every line of those sweet lips memorized,

Arms moving behind her, tugging close in desperation.

We simply held each other close, relaxed, breathing,

And we never stopped...

For eternity.

PaD 19/365: The Joy of Poetry

Something very similar to this one was my very first poem. Granted, I have no clue what happened to them all, but I felt this one needed revisiting, so here ya go! Back then, I was making fun of it cause I hated it... Now I'm making fun of it, but I like it :)

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THE JOY OF POETRY

Poetry can seduce with prose most mellifluous,

With nuance of existence most meticulous.

Or it can just be silly and funny to enjoy,

With words that anyone can understand and employ.

Poetry can flow,

Using both rhyme and meter,

Such as these right here.

Or it can just go on and on with

Breaks in ran-

dom places to make it

seem much more

d

e

e

p

Or even just keep going on with one really long line to make someone think that there's something extra poignant in it, despite the fact that it is simply thrown in to try to make an excuse for depth at a future time like this one right here.

Poetry can aid us in our humanity,

Our continuing search for meaning and sanity.

Or it can be crude, rude and crass

Using words like “boobs”, “screw” and “meanass.”

But when all is said and done,

Poetry is fun for everyone!

Depth and Lessons

So yeah.... I got serious on the first one, so decided I'd have to write a sillier one to go along with it. The surprise was that the nonserious one was the one with a better meaning behind it! Oh coincidence, how I love you... Write enough poems every day and you're bound to hit on something good :)

Today was an excellent day *knocks on cyberwood*, and so full of lessons. Car was fixed *KNOCKS MUCH HARDER*, and I had bought lunch today, spent $8.50 at KFC after buying an extra Stacker for later. Accidentally threw it out (meh, just a buck, right?), then went to pay for the car. $613.17. Open my wallet, count it out: $611. DAMNIT!!! Whip out change in pocket, up to $613.02. Wow, suddenly a dollar means the world, doesn't it? I had change in the car, but the point there is - IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL IT'S OVER!!! As far as the car, I think it had to break down to make me realize not to neglect what we have, to feel like I am truly starting fresh (not having it for a week then getting it back is like getting a new car!), and it brought Gwen and I together again as friends. So I am actually happy it happened, even if it did cost $1000 pretty much when all was said and done, BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN I NEED IT TO BREAK AGAIN THANKS!!! It also showed me that people are here for me. Mom loaned me $400/300, Gwen whipped out $100 at the end there, and Wanda was there texting and emailing through it all. I thank you all so much for your support.

Do enjoy today's PaD! My Cloudgazer is up there in my favorites now, whether y'all like it or not! As Dane Cook said, "You don't have to laugh, this one is for me."

PaD 18.5: My Cloudgazer

This one I started to write as a silly little poem, but looking back it reminds me of how silly poetry can really be. This poem can be taken so many different ways it's not even funny; hell, there's even a really serious meaning behind it if you want to get into it.

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MY CLOUDGAZER


I carry a basket as we climb up the hill
Seeking out the perfect table.
But you point to the clouds and giggle.
I say I'm willing if you're able!
Lying side by side, we gaze upon distant marshmallows,
The tablecloth a comfy pillow
As we laugh and smile and find all sorts of shapes
Hey look, an armadillo!
We see monsters, birds, faces and mythical beasts
All in their fluffy shapes,
Holy crap, is that Draco holding Hermione
As she closes the drapes?
I can do this forever, I think to myself
As the heavens entertain,
Giggling and smiling, cuddled together, looking always up,
Here without life's pain.

PaD 18/365: Personal Apocalypse

This is a poem of... well, you know what? I'm going to retain SOME mystery, even if this one's symbolism is rather obvious, well all but the last piece. Have fun with that! Oh wait, what's that? I've got a TEXT MESSAGE??? Hmmmm... I guess I should reply to my *AHEM* text message *AHEM*..... Seeing as how I do so much with my phone, huh???

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PERSONAL APOCALYPSE

When it all began, the world was empty.
Vast with unlimited possibility, perfect.
Homes were erected, housing individuals,
And between them, roads to connect.

My own home was built on weak ground,
It's walls of mud; wobbly, fragile, weak.
So I followed a road to a builder of skill
Dragging my home, her aid I did seek.

Together our home was sturdy and strong,
But my own home was simply consumed,
And it wasn't until the apocalypse came
I remembered how little I had to exhume.

Our homes separated, both now a wreck,
I cried and I cried, having lost all I had.
I laid in the mud of my now destroyed home
Wondering how anyone could survive something so bad.

It was then with the help of an angel
Who spoke to me through the vibration of my phone
That I realized that my loss was a gain,
And the joy of a clean slate was finally shown.

I laid foundation and planned a new home,
I replaced mud with brick, solid and straight.
And in the center I placed an alabaster pillar;
It had nine numbers upon it: 8398 92632.

PaD 17.66: I Love My Package!

The final prose for today, this one... Well, read it twice. You'll probably get two different ideas for what's going on. If not, well... You missed out on the fun then! Imagine it like those crazy 3d image thingies, where you look at it, and if you look JUST right then the 3d image jumps out of the weird swirlies. As a little tidbit, the email I use for this - A Schooner Is a Sailboat - is based off of one of those! Anyone who hasn't seen Mallrats must do so immediately, and yes, by reading that sentence you have indeed agreed to do so! Hope you've got Netflix!

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I LOVE MY PACKAGE

I found out I was receiving my package today,

I was so elated, I didn't know what to say.

I couldn't wait to get my hands on my package,

Just get to work with some major ransackage.

So I ripped it open and grabbed what was inside,

The pleasure it created was more than I could hide.

In fact, the cry of joy was like an irresistible hook,

For suddenly everyone around had to come and take a look.

By now, all sorts of people were standing around,

Taking turns looking, making “ooh” and “aah” sounds.

And I know this may come across with a little conceit,

But it seemed no one could get enough of my treat.

Many even whispered in my ear as they gave me an embrace,

Telling me just how much they'd like to get a little taste.

But I said with a smile that there was plenty for them all,

And I gave each one some, their moans a siren's call.

Each one left once they were good and satisfied,

So that soon there was no one left by my side.

I sat down, just me in my package, in pure bliss

Inside, my wonderful raspberry chocolatey goodness.

PaD 17.33: Package Buddies

Okay, so this is what my day centered around - the best part of it all - so I had to write this poem in dedication. I said before I'd write more prose about the great Wandaliciousness, and here's one for something new she's become: my package buddy!

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PACKAGE BUDDIES

Facebook, IM, text, the “other Facebook.”

Practically all the ways to communicate.

Unless two cans----with-----a-----string count,

But across the country, I'd have to debate...

Then I get home to find a fabric covered box

Inside an envelope, oh my, it's so great!

Oh, and Raspberry Chocolate and yummy coffee,

I must add, are most assuredly the perfect bait.

Now we're package buddies, package buddy,

With both giving and receiving as the perks.

You send to me, and then I send to you,

That's just the way that it works!

Then you send more back my way, and once more I do you,

Until we each have a collection of gifts,

And I don't know about you, but no matter what I get,

All I have to do is look at it, and my mood suddenly lifts.

So we mail random stuff that only we'd appreciate,

In boxes and envelopes and packages and shrink wrap,

And we make nifty wrapping and gussy it up,

Then we take our mailing labels and put them on with a slap.

It's like a never ending game of interstate tag,

Except we have to pay the government to send it.

Make sure they know if it's valuable to insure it,

And if it's fragile, make sure they don't bend it.

PaD 17/365: Naked Time!

This was a PaD I'm surprised I didn't think of before, since half my writing and nearly ALL my inspiration comes within this period of time... So, here it is, a dedication to the greatest time of any day: NAKED TIME!!! Aka the shower. Note: "Nekkid" is also a valid form of "Naked", except that it's the sillier version.

Also, this is another of those "written to be a song" proses... The chorus being much different than the lines, of course, and the last and first pieces are much slower... Light cymbal work and gentle guitar going with quiet singing

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NAKED TIME

Oooooohhhhhhhh morning....

Gotta wake up sooner or later...

Grab my phone and some Mayan Chocolate coffee...

It's gonna take something special to wake up today...

It's gonna take....

Naked time, it's naked time!

Water's so warm, feels so divine.

Sudsy and clean, now I smell like lime.

Relaxing here in my own personal shrine.

Now I'm awake and ready to tackle the day,

Doesn't matter what you do, doesn't matter what you say.

Nothing in the world can kill this mood I'm in,

I'm floating in midair, happier than I've ever been,

Thanks to...

Naked time, it's naked time!

Water's so warm, feels so divine.

Sudsy and clean, now I smell like lime.

Relaxing here in my own personal shrine.

What's that? You don't know how great it can be?

Well, you know, I'd be more than happy to help you see...

Why don't you just take my hand and follow me?

I'll show you a whole new level of ecstacy...

Oh HELL yeah, it's...

Naked time, it's naked time!

So strip off your clothes, babe, you look so fine.

Room's getting steamy, feels so divine.

If you're showin' me yours, I'm showin' you mine.

Nothing more sensual than the feel of soapy skin,

Feeling and looking and smelling so fresh.

Get back out and slowly towel down,

I swear, there's no greater pleasure around...

Maybe one more...

Naked time, it's naked time!

No one else around, may as well spend the day like this,

I won't even believe you if you say something greater exists,

And, of course, it doesn't hurt that you look so dee-lish!

And that's all I can say...

Without going X-Ray... ted....

[Extra high pitched] Noooooooooooooooo...

PaD 16/365: Charlinox

Not quite sure what's come over me... Probably a combination of the whole weekend thing with the working on the website, but my writing seems to be suffering for it. We all have dry spells, though, right?

Today's poem is about quite possibly the greatest invention of all. It's actually in dedication to my own bestest best of friends, and every bit of it is true. Well, except the fitting in your pocket, and only being $10... Damn that'd rock though! Plus, I guess you CAN fit your friends in your pocket thanks to your cell phone...

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CHARLINOX

It wasn't long ago that I came up with my invention,

Although it was something so obvious and clear in the end.

We all need someone who can be everything to us,

So I invented the Swiss Army Friend.

They come in both male and female versions,

And you can slip em right in the pocket of your pants.

When you're depressed, they'll cheer you right up,

And give you advice anytime on romance.

When you don't feel confident they make you feel great.

Need a laugh? They're loaded with jokes,

If you need to release tension they'll listen intently,

And they know how to win over all sorts of folks.

Come buy one now, they're only $9.95,

And once you've bought them, you'll never part.

Plus, order now and get this guarantee:

Soon after you meet, they slip into your heart.

PaD 15/365: Cheat Code

This poem has a deeper meaning too, but it is much more obvious. It was fun to be able to go by my inner geek again though, woohoo!!! The last six lines are together on purpose. Each set of two before this is its own step; these six go together to wrap it all up.

Also, for anyone who is curious, I posted the meaning behind yesterday's haiku in the comments so that you can't stumble on it unless you want to.

-----------------------------

CHEAT CODE

I was playing this game, nearly made it to the last stage
Cause I'm the only one who can free the princess from her cage.

I've leveled up, gained experience, man my guy is so bad!
But I poured my soul into it, every free chance I had.

But now sixty hours later, I can't get past this boss;
I've tried over and over, and every time I've lost.

So I found this cheat code that would help me play:
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A.

Now my character is living in prosperity
With unlimited gold, strength, defense, HP and dexterity.

I finally managed to take down that bad ass mofo,
The way he went down made for a hell of a show.

Now the game was easy, so I flew through the last levels
Stabbing and burning and smashing the devils.

I reached the last boss, oh boy this should be unreal!
But thanks to the code, not once did I have to heal...

This was it, this was supposed to be the best part,
The culmination of all the work from the very start.
I wish I had saved before I used that code, man it bites,
How my experience and leveling suddenly became so trite.
But next time no matter how hard it is to bear it,
I'll make sure that I do it all by my own merits.

PaD 14/365: Wrong Wheel & Normal Blog

So I'm lazy tonight, and put the normal blog in with the PaD. Today was a very, very long day, and I have not been sleepy before around 1am in a LONG time; tonight I got sleepy at 21:00!!!

Please don't take tonight's PaD's shortness as part of this! Granted, I didn't want to go into one that was extremely deep, and I actually saved several ideas for the future/tomorrow! Tonight's PaD IS very short, yes, but it is deep. There is more meaning hidden behind it than at least half the stuff I've written. And if you think IT'S messed up, it was inspired by another poem, not even a haiku like mine, which was also exceptionally short and made little to no sense. Although I must admit - this one does make me realize there may have been some meaning hidden behind it.

------------------------------

WRONG WHEEL

I once had a car,
Of four wheels, one was square.
I loved it the most.

---------------

So, why would I love a square wheel more? Tomorrow's PaD will include one that explains much more in depth :)

THREE Poems Today!

Today was all about lessons. Someone told me that one's car is an extention of oneself, and that if it is broken, most likely the driver is also. Someone else told me that our emotions are an incredible force, and when we feel different ways, we push that onto everything in our world. Either way, there were lessons to learn.

1) Don't be gluttonous. The car had started slightly failing but still being sturdy, and I went out and spent like $60 on crap - music, my websites, snacks, etc. So thereby, avoid gluttony and keep priorities straight, too.

2) Cockiness can be bad. Yeah, I know, right? Who would have known? I had always lived by the thought that "it'll be fine, it all works out somehow." I never realized just how much work others had to put in to MAKE it so that it'll work out. Be an active participant in life!

3) Life is more than failures. On our tightrope walk through life, we cannot appreciate the strength of our net until it saves us when we fall, but we cannot get back to walking unless WE pull OURSELVES back up that ladder, take a deep breath and get back at it. Yeah, you can quote me on that, I like it!

So anyway, the prose is about my experience today. But it's not about the hell I went through (although it was all self-caused, since mom was the one who got me the money and all, it was just nerves and still is some), it's about the revelations. This also marks a rather major change in my style, in that they are much more serious, and the third one even uses some fancy words! *Shudders* I know... But change is good, yes? Gotta stop rhyming 'too' with 'you' and 'for' with 'more' some day, right?

The first poem, To All the Angels, is a heralding (haha get it?) call for everyone to appreciate those in their lives who are their own personal angels. It's like that song.... "Your own.... personal... Jesus" except less blasphemous, which is weird for me to be LESS blasphemous than something...

The second poem was going to be included in the first, as I'd done before, but it really deserved its own room to fly. It's also funkier! Go funk! "We're the renegades of funk, the renegades of funk..."

And the third is 100% seriousness!!! I drew on my own experience for the being in the rain, having knocked on many a customer's door in pouring rain, and having dogs chase me one of those times. One of the scariest things I've experienced.

ENJOY!!!!!!!