This is Me

Wanda Mae was brave enough to reply to my previous post, and here is my response, as promised. It's also a comment there, but I forgot I'd make it a stand-alone too. Here it is!!!



I want to be a solid supporter for those I love. I want to be able to help those in need, and I want to cheer them up when they're sad. I want to be a game maker, or a musician (honestly I'm not sure which way anymore) or even a writer...

My perfect day is the first date. It begins hanging out with all kinds of friends, and spotting that special someone. The challenge, the back and forth battle of flirting and teasing... The pride in succeeding, since we as men are the ones who have to put it all out there and battle for your attention. That semi-awkward, elated feeling of someone as you don't know anything about them yet, and you've built them up to be perfection. "It's loud here, would you like to go somewhere more quiet?" Going on a date. A real date, something I've never truly done. Lingering well past when the bill comes, just talking and laughing, staring across the table at one another. A movie, oh a movie! That warmth of cuddling through a movie is so magical. Something girly (honestly!) because when a girl cries, and you're there to support her, there is NOTHING like it. Arm around her as she sobs into your shoulder, seeing just how sweet and sensitive she can be after what a tough front she just put up before when meeting her. Kissing the tears away. Fingertips flickering over, watching her eyes flutter as she giggles, ashamed of her tears, my finger shushing them... Don't be ashamed, dear, be proud that you can feel. Show me those feelings. Let them out, let me share them, I'll even cry with you, but my tears are of joy to have found you.

The movie ends, and once again we linger. Not even heading to the realms of dirtiness yet, just... hand in hand, fingers intertwined, the occassional chuckle and whisper as the armrests are lifted, her head to my chest. The end of the night comes, and we lose each other in the passion we have built through the day... A gentleman never tells! But in the afterglow... breath ragged, sighing, blankets our only cover, cuddled up together. Such beautiful eyes she has... Falling asleep together... Spooned tight

Sorry for the over-detail, I lost myself LOL. So moving on... What makes me smile? Laughing, knowing I can make others smile and laugh. The idea of the above coming true! Pride.

Sadness? Oh boy... random Manic Depression. Failure. Feeling useless. Loneliness. Frustration. I don't really get MAD, so instead I get sad.

I LAUGH AT EVERYTHING!!! LOL But what really makes me laugh hard? Get lost? That build up that friends can share; it starts as one stupid comment, and you roll with it until it grows into this massive joke.

I melt at romance these days. Somehow losing my wife brought romance to the forefront of my mind. All those little things... All the stuff I described up there LOL. I also melt when someone compliments me, calls me a sweet name... I know it's not meant romantically, but it's still such a sweet feeling to be appreciated or wanted in any way. "Angel" comes to mind pretty much instantly.

These days I stand for independence and individuality. BE YOURSELF!! NEVER BE ASHAMED OF YOU!!! You are special, you are an incredible person, and I don't care WHO you are, someone will love the living hell out of you as you are! Never give up on YOU. Never give up on life.

I don't know that I'd die for anything. I cannot do any good for anyone or anything if I myself am dead.

I'm passionate about my friends. The closer you let me get, the more we talk, the more passionate I will be. Not even necessarily romantically (since it happens with guys too LOL) but the more close i get, the more I'd fight for them. That's MY girl/guy, step off (again NOT romantically, being straight and all!). Fuck with them, fuck with me!

My army is, again, my friends. We are unified in our love for one another. An effective army unit is tough when necessary, and always sticks together. NEVER LEAVE ANYONE BEHIND!!!

My god? Joy. Once more, my friends. I look up to and envy things about each and every one of them, they're all amazing people. I wouldn't be friends with someone not special in some way. In a way I'm my own god too, yes, but I do not worship that god at all, nowhere near as much as one should even.

No, I wouldn't do ANYTHING for myself. I am not that dedicated. I try to be, like this diet stuff, like saving money, but gluttony gives way.

SORRY FOR THE HUGE ANSWER!!!!