PaD 10/365: Cyberpimp

So, for the first time I'm kinda let down by this one. I want to attribute it to it being 1am, but I think it's more because I really wanted this one to kick ASS (although that's not what Cyberpimp would do with it...). Anyway, this one is mocking the world of cybersex. I'm hoping to revisit down the line and add to it; this is another I'd love to make into a song at some point.

For those of you unfamiliar with cybersex, please email or comment... LOL I'd rather not explain that in the blog post itself.

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CYBERPIMP

Hey guys, guess what happened last night?
I got freaky wild with half a dozen girls!
First one, then three, then a huge orgy,
Each one the sexiest women in the world.

How do I do it? I'm glad you ask!
See, I'm what you might call a Cyberpimp.
I log sixty hours a week in the adult chats,
The ladies can't get enough of my little logo chimp.

When I'm online, I'm a majorly sexy hunk,
Cause I'm sneaky, it's nothing like the real me.
Five inch Mr. Happy? Screw that, now it's 15!
Ha, the girls would shit themselves if they saw my real body.

I type with the most eloquent prose,
Who wouldn't fall for proper grammar?
Get her warmed up with textual foreplay,
Then sneak up behind her with my big ol' hammer!

All the chicks I get are playboy bunnies,
I won't do it if they're less than 38EEE
Gotta be less than 60 lbs and innocent girls too,
Luckily, it seems like that's all that I see.

Let's go to my place, check out my hot tub,
That's nothing for me though, with my seven figure job.
Drivin' my Benz, household of servants, platinum teeth,
Yep, that's me, Chuck... Errr... I mean Bob!

It's a good thing no one else lies,
But I know they don't, cause they send me pics.
Although it is kinda coincidental everyone's 18 and hot,
I'm starting to wonder if I can believe these chicks...

So I'm finishing up with a fine ass girl,
Now I'm gonna be honest after being so lewd
And so she decides to be honest with me too...
Oh shit... That was a dude?