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LOVE DETECTIVE
Love detective, I come to you seeking help.
I've got to admit I have no sense for this stuff.
You see, there's this girl in my life,
And I don't know if I should tell her of my luff.
So I come to you, magnifying glass in hand,
Begging that you'll take this case for me.
I'm desperate, and my heart has been taken for ransom
By it's own love, one of life's greatest mysteries.
The fact that my theories are skewed one way
Certainly doesn't help my case at all,
Because my heart quickly hypothesizes,
But if it's wrong, then I will most surely fall.
I believe she's been leaving behind hints and clues
Trying to leave behind a trail for me,
But it's hard to tell what's a clue and what's coincidence
So I'm afraid it's not quite “elementary.”
Is it really so wrong that I want to imprison her
Deep inside my heart and throw away the key?
She could still do whatever she pleased, of course,
Just so long as she always came back to me.
I never knew such strong feelings of love and desire,
And of emptiness and pain when she has to go.
I've never had such trouble getting someone from my head either,
And I'm almost scared that it's actual LOVE these clues show.
I'm at my wits end on this file, I am.
It drives me crazy all night and day,
I'm suddenly spending all day deciphering riddles,
So please, love detective, tell me what to say.
So, love detective, can you help me out here?
Are there definite signs that can determine if she's guilty?
I want to tell her how I feel so badly,
But if I'm wrong and she laughs, my heart will go wilty.
And yes, I know that wilty isn't a word,
But I say it means “the feeling of wilting”, no matter how absurd.
It really is important you help me, dear sir,
I'm begging you here not to decline.
Because I really, truly worry my life might end
If I can't someday soon call me mine.
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